August 27, 2015

behind the scenes

Sooo along with all the pretty photos I've been posting, there have been some MAJOR changes and things happening behind the scenes.

While we were down in So Cal for the first week Mike had one part of his test and passed, then had to have his second part the Friday after so we made the decision that the girls and I would stay down at my parent's for the week. Then he passed that as well and got his first interview for this week. WOO HOO!

But we had to make a choice, and decided that because we only have one vehicle the girls and I would come back up to Nor Cal for this week and will be moving down to So Cal tonight. Em will be enrolled next week at her new school but this week gave her the chance to say goodbye to all her friend's up here.

Still with me?!

It's been a bit hectic, to say the least. It's a little over one month early then what was originally planned. But God willing Mike will be traveling back and forth from Nor Cal to So Cal as long as he keeps passing his interviews and background. Then at the end of September Maddie and I will come back up to Nor Cal to deal with Household Goods and final inspection. Which means that on October 5th all 4 of us will officially be So Cal residents again.

And you'll never have to hear me complain about missing home, again.

You're welcome.

August 26, 2015

Summer Family Photos//Part 2

The wind made my hair crazy and the dress isn't my favorite but it was cheap and I'm just proud I accomplished to get a few of all of us.

You can see part 1 here

Now that these are done, Fall can roll on!

August 21, 2015

on body image

Ohh what a tough topic. I mean I've had this topic written on my post ideas list for a while now.

Last week I posted a photo of me in a bathing suit on Instagram. I was so nervous I was actually shaking when I posted it. And that's when it hit me. It was time to write this post, it was time to free myself.

To put it simply, I'm the heaviest I've been in years, not including pregnancies. After I had Maddie I dropped all the weight really easily and I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 137 lbs. I'm almost 5'10" and weighing 137 lbs looks a lot different on me than most average height women... but I still wasn't happy. I wanted to lose more... which I did. I got down to 134 lbs.

Mind you while weighing that much I wasn't on any extreme diets or over exercising. It was more of sticking to the no week day drinking, limited carbs, etc. Then the holidays started creeping up, vacations too. I started gaining weight. I was still okay, then I hit almost 150 lbs and about lost my shit. I was embarrassed and grossed out. I could tell my shorts were a little tighter around my legs, my thigh gap wasn't as big (what an unhealthy way to measure weight gain), and I panicked. Then emotionally I hit a really tough season.

I fell into a hole.

I literally was eating and drinking my feelings. Adding the emotional trauma of what I was going through to gaining weight made me the unhappiest most depressed person. Again, I lost myself.

Then I found PiYo. I've lost weight, and I've actually been toning up. I always feel so great after I work out.
I don't think I'll ever see the 130's again, and that's okay. I'm starting to come to terms with it.
I've taught Em that it's not about being skinny, fat, or the number on the scale. It's about being healthy. And I think it's time I practice what I preach. I'm trying to find the balance of still living life without a ridiculous diet, the beating myself up if I miss one work out, and that sizing up in a pair of jeans is not the end of the world. Emotionally this year has been tough.  And how ridiculous that my mind is consumed with my jiggly arms, when I have two beautiful, healthy children. I've been able to vacation SO much, and yes, over indulge in food and drinks but I've been able to see family I haven't seen in years, gotten to reconnect with old friends and make new memories.

I want to stop obsessing over if my shirt rides up and *gasp* someone sees a stretchmark on my stomach. Instead I want to remember growing two big baby girls, and giving them life.

To hell with the media and the pressure. It's time for me to be me, again. Regardless of the number.