Then there's the whole sleep situation. Yep. Still working on it, and by working on it I mean she still sleeps with us and we still nurse to sleep. Some days I'm just so exhausted from the crying and screaming that her sleeping in her own bed feels like it will never happen. Then I start googling, and reading, and find all these "How to get your baby to sleep for 10 hours!" and just feel like a failing failure. And then I start beating myself up for still nursing her. Because so-and-so weaned their baby at 12 months and it was soo easy. Not for us though. Weaning is still something I can't process happening. Maybe it's for me? Maybe because Mike has told me 2 trillion times how she's my last kid, I'm prolonging it. I don't know. What I do know is, it works for us. Right now, it works. And that's okay. But that's something I often forget. That it is okay.
Then there's Em. I feel like I'm constantly failing her. Somedays after Maddie's been crying a lot, I've had little sleep, and my to do list is so long I lose my cool with her. And I hate it. I don't want her to think I love Maddie more, because I don't. I love them both so much it's ridiculous. But I hate that she feels that way at times, because I've made her feel that way. How horrible is that? Pretty freakin horrible if you ask me. When she makes those statements though I always correct. I reassure her just how much she is loved, how smart she is, and how I couldn't imagine life without her. She really is such a special girl and I want her to always know that. And she does.
These little nuggets really are the greatest thing I've ever done. Of course, at times, they are hard and I wish I could call up my parents or In Laws and tell them to come get them for the night. But that's not my reality. It's just us and them, and no matter how tough it gets I really wouldn't change it, or change them.
So here's to the two crazy, silly, sometimes hard, very loud, little girls I call my daughters.