July 28, 2014

real talk

It's about to get real deep and personal up in here.

I suffer from anxiety.
There, I said it.

Mostly what triggers it is big stores, or places like an indoor mall. And the reason behind it is so lame. I fear having a panic attack and not being able to escape quickly for some fresh air. Yep. That's it. Outdoor mall? Totally fine. Small store? No problem. It's so weird to me.

It all started in a Target, then happened again at Wal Mart, then again at the grocery store. Now I fear the store because of it.
And that makes me sad.

It's not something I've dealt with, it's new. I mean I have anxiety with flying but that's been a forever sorta thing.

This is new.

I'm crying as I type this because I miss feeling free. I miss being able to walk around Target without the fear of a panic attack.

I want my life back.
I need my life back.

I've been waiting for Maddie to turn 1 so that way if I need to stop nursing her then I can without feeling too guilty.

I have an appointment Friday to talk to my doctor and figure out if I need to be on medication although I do NOT want to be. I am also fully aware that I may be referred to somebody to talk to on the regular. And I'm okay with that.

I want to be better. I need to be better for the sake of my happiness and my families as well.

So that's it.

That's what I'm dealing with right now and boy does it feel good to get it off my chest.

July 25, 2014

a few of my favorite things: Beauty

It's FRIDAY! YAY! I'm feeling 90% better than I have the past two days. Thankfully. My to do list is a mile long from taking two days "off". Around 10:15 last night Maddie woke up and decided to just cry and scream until 11 which was fun except not really. Then she woke up a few times after that and screamed some more. Being sick with kids is hard especially when you just want sleep. She's now being just so very cute and walking around with a clean diaper around her arm and waiting for sis to play with her. Speaking of sis, she's been just the best the past few days. Helping me with Maddie and anything I needed or wanted. She even made me toast for breakfast yesterday because I was too lightheaded to stand. I just love them both.

Anyway here are a few of my favorite beauty items. I've shared a few of them before and some of them are new but I just love them.

beauty favorites

That hairspray smells like cologne, it's amazing. The Tea Tree shampoo and conditioner makes my hair and Em's hair sooo soft. It's worth the price tag. Em used to hate getting her hair brushed until we went to my parents and my mom had that brush, Em loved it so much my mom gave it to us and it has saved me from hearing lots of whining. With my short hair the wand  is really the best curling device. That lipgloss  is the perfect pop of pink for me with a nice price. I just love all Benefit Blush but the CORAlista color is my new favorite, actually I love most of their products. I'm forever a NARS laguna  Bronze girl. I just can't get away from it. I'm a picky mascara person and was pretty surprised with how great the Sephora brand one is. And one of the newest things to join me is the Smashbox Primer, I used to use the Too Faced Primed and Poreless which I do still love but the Smashbox definitely ranks up there with the Too Faced.

Do you use any of these products?! Any absolute favorites that you recommend?

Next week I'll be talking about my favorites for a 1 year old!

July 23, 2014

confession session

Real original title, eh? It sounded better than "I'm sick, bored, and here are some odd rambles"..

I wasn't planning on Blogging today. In fact I was planning on ignoring the Blog world for the day but then I woke up feeling like crap annnnd now I'm laying on the couch with the girls and I gave in. Also, it's not even 10 am yet and there's an almost $4,000 refrigerator on TV.

I want to write about politics and current events sooo bad. But I wont.

All these facebook posts, Blog posts, and Instagram pictures of pregnancy and babies is giving me some serious baby fever. Call me crazy.

I don't want to be a carbon copy of every other blogger out there.

I think kids and babies should be dressed like kids and babies.

Seeing all the white baby nurseries and children rooms confuses me. Em's not an overly messy kid. She's pretty average and I would never give her all white everything in her room. Homegirl can't even keep a white shirt clean. I always just imagine the parents having to clean it a lot or just never allowing their child in the room. I should probably just stay off Pinterest.

I would love a second cup of coffee and some donuts/doughnuts. I can never decide which spelling I prefer.

I haven't even looked at Nordstrom Anniversary Sale besides in Blog posts done by others because even on sale I'm still too cheap. But I have looked at Old Navy and they have some really cute skinny sweatpants. Although when I'm wearing my sweatpants it's usually because I feel anything but skinny. I don't know.

I really want some Scalloped Shorts.

It doesn't even feel like summer here so I suppose I wouldn't mind if Fall would just arrive. At least then I wont be sad not wearing shorts because it's fall. And heeelllooo, pumpkin patches! You thought I was gonna say pumpkin spice latte, huh? Well I didn't because they are gross.
White Chocolate Mocha with a shot of raspberry is where it's at and has been for years. Thank me later.

Netflix needs to step their game up. I've already seen everything.

Now it's well past 10 am and I can't think of anything else.

Soooo Happy Wednesday!

I just double checked to make sure today was indeed Wednesday. I need a nap.